Building Self-Esteem
What Is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem refers to our personal evaluation or opinion of our worth, competence, and importance. Though it includes our thoughts, feelings, and attitudes towards ourselves, it may have nothing to do with reality.
Self-esteem can be negative or positive. However, the vast majority of people possess a poor self-image. Many perceive themselves to be ugly when they are beautiful, unlovable when they are loved, unsuccessful when they have succeeded, useless when they are talented, worthless when they possess great value.
Proper self-esteem is a healthy condition which produces godly contentment and self-worth. Poor self-esteem is an unhealthy condition which hinders godly contentment and produces an underlying sense of frustration, inferiority, and inadequacy.
What Are The Effects of Poor Self-Esteem?
Poor self-esteem is a cancerous condition which corrupts our emotions, actions, attitudes, thoughts , and values. A poor self-perspective is the root of many destructive symptoms.
Poor self-esteem produces a deep sense of self-criticism, self-hatred, and self-rejection. It creates a nagging feeling of being unwanted, unneeded, and unloved. It destroys self-acceptance.
It undermines our sense of self-worth and self-confidence. It causes us to gradually withdraw from people and isolate ourselves. It stifles initiative, quenches motivation, and reinforces the feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness, and weakness.
It is sometimes camouflaged by a negative, complaining, and argumentative spirit. It makes us jealous, unforgiving, resentful, intolerant, and suspicious toward others. It causes us to be overly sensitive, moody, depressed, and introverted.
WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF POOR SELF-ESTEEM?
Many factors contribute to a poor self-image.
I. Faulty Theology
One of the underlying causes of poor self-esteem among Christians is a distorted theological perspective. Some Christians tend to focus upon the scriptural revelation of man's fallen state. They tend to stress the utter worthlessness of man. They mistakenly assume that our previous sinful condition has forever rendered us insignificant and worthless before a holy, sovereign God.
They attack any attitude of self-love or self-esteem as being a subtle form of pride. They often embrace a false humility which is nothing more than self-inflicted condemnation. This distorted theology overlooks our present standing in Christ, and emphasizes our feelings of inferiority and inadequacy.
II. The Deception Of The Enemy
Satan is a constant source of agitation. He is referred to as "the accuser of our brethren" (Rev.12:10). He strives to destroy our godly self-esteem through accusation, criticism, and discouragement.
One of his greatest lies is that we are useless, inadequate, and of little value to God. He will even twist scriptures in his clever attempts to sow this falsehood. He works to promote this deception in order to undermine our godly self-esteem, and cause us to withdraw from life and drown in despair.
He tries to instill a sense of worthlessness and inferiority in order to quench our enthusiasm, suppress our participation in the kingdom, and hinder the work of God in our lives.
III. Unresolved Guilts
Poor self-esteem can often be the consequence of longstanding guilts. Unresolved guilts from the past can torture us with an overwhelming sense of failure, inadequacy, and wretchedness.
Many Christians cannot seem to forget the sins of yesterday. They are haunted with memories of past mistakes. They have not fully accepted Christ's cleansing power and forgiveness, so they find it hard to forgive themselves or forget their former transgressions.
The nagging feeling of guilt creates remorse, self-condemnation, and a deep-seated disappointment in ourselves which only reinforces our sense of inferiority and failure.
IV. Past Experiences
Our present self-esteem is often the result of past conditioning. If we grew up in a household of criticism, rejection, and disapproval, we may have quietly acquired a negative self-image.
This kind of environment only creates a sense of insecurity, inadequacy, and inferiority. A continual lack of emotional support or encouragement results in an attitude of self-contempt and rejection. When parents withhold love, acceptance, and forgiveness, a child grows up with a sense of poor self-esteem.
When people, in any relationship, are subjected to a spirit of condemnation, belittling, and disapproval, a gradual feeling of self-hatred and dislike can begin to develop in our opinion and evaluation of ourselves.
V. Social Factors
Social influences can have a tremendous impact upon our self-esteem. Social pressures can work to diminish or even destroy a healthy self-image.
Society imposes certain values and standards which can cause an individual to feel second-rate, inferior, or even abnormal. The cruel injustices, prejudices, and "value systems" of society can inflict deep wounds upon a person's sense of personal worth.
A person can be rejected and held in contempt because of his race, ethnic background, social standing, lack of schooling, or religious upbringing. Many people grow up in a society which slowly robs them of their human dignity and worth. The tragic result is often a sense of poor self-esteem.
VI. Unfulfilled Expectations
Everyone grows up with idealistic expectations for their future. We all have our goals and dreams we would like to see fulfilled. However, many people fail to realize their great expectations. They find that life has dealt them a cruel hand.
Life is filled with setbacks, disappointments, and delays. Many people find that the saying, "The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray" is an appropriate characterization of their lives.
When we fail to achieve our goals, measure up to our expectations, or fulfill our dreams, we can gradually fall into a "failure syndrome". This only works to undermine self-confidence and reinforce a growing sense of inadequacy, incompetence, and inferiority.
VII. Faulty Thinking
A poor self-image is often the consequence of prolonged negative thinking. Negative thinking is so deeply rooted in the thought lives of many people that it corrupts every area of their lives.
Our thinking patterns have a tremendous impact upon our emotions, attitudes, and will. Many who suffer from poor self-esteem have an overly pessimistic view of themselves.
They constantly reinforce their feelings of worthlessness and inferiority by ministering self-doubt and self-criticism. They only see themselves as deficient, useless, and inadequate.
This mental rut is extremely destructive. It only encourages the feelings of failure, despondency, and poor self-esteem.
HOW DO WE CORRECT A POOR SELF-IMAGE?
I. Embrace A Proper Biblical Perspective
In order to establish a sound self-image, we must confront poor self-esteem with sound theology. Though the Bible doesn't ignore man's sinful state, it doesn't demean our God-given value either.
Those who doctrinally stress our utter wretchedness are unconsciously delivering a "slap-in-the-face" to the gracious work of Christ on our behalf. This negative, one-sided theology is an open affront to God.
The Word declares that "we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works" (Eph.2:10). Any theology which downgrades or minimizes God's glorious workmanship should be rejected. God has not created us to wallow in dejection, self-pity, or feelings or worthlessness.
II. We must Respond To The Clarity Of God's Word
We must confront the deceptive lie that we are worthless rejects with the absolute reality of God's Word. We must set our confidence and trust upon the clear teachings of scripture concerning our self-worth.
The scriptures declare that "we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works" (Eph.2:10). We are sons and daughters of God (IICor.6:18). We are "the salt of the earth" (Matt.5:13). We are "joint heirs with Christ" (Rom.8:17). We are "crowned...with glory and honor" (Psalms 8:5). We are people of dignity and destiny (Rom.8:29,30).
Our previous state has been forever changed in Christ. We are now " a new creation" in Christ (IICor. 5:17). Therefore, we must reject the feelings of inferiority, uselessness, and inadequacy, and realize that we are valuable in Christ.
III. We Must Discipline Our Thoughts
"...Bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ" (IICor. 10:5). We must discipline our negative thoughts by submitting them to the positive reality of God's Word.
The scriptures remind us to set our mind on those things which are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report (Phil.4:8).
We must guard our thought life. Our mind can be our worst enemy, or a good friend. Our thoughts can either build godly self-esteem or undermine our sense of self-worth. If we continually yield to corrupt thinking or indulge in negative confessions about yourself, we will inevitably destroy our self-esteem.
IV. We Must Have A Godly Self-love
The Bible assumes that we should possess a healthy self-love (Eph.5:28,29). Without a godly self-love, we have no basis for proper self-esteem.
Some Christians find it difficult to accept the reality that God desires us to love ourselves. They view self-love as a subtle form of self-pride or self-adoration. But when we speak of self-love, we are not referring to a self-centered, egotistical love. This form of self-love is selfish love.
Godly self-love simply means that we see ourselves as worthwhile creatures in Christ. We see ourselves as valued and loved by God. We see ourselves as creatures bearing the divine image of dignity and honor. Our self-love is based upon a realistic self-appraisal of our present standing as gifted and useful members of the body of Christ (IICor.12:12-24).
v. We Must Accept God's Forgiveness
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1John 1:9). A failure to embrace Christ's forgiveness can often result in poor self-esteem.
Many individuals quietly suffer from longstanding guilts and feelings of deep remorse over their past mistakes. When we dwell upon our former shortcomings, we unconsciously contribute to destroying our present self-image and self-acceptance.
Poor self-esteem is often the result of failing to alleviate the burden of guilt. Feelings of unresolved guilt can gradually create a sense of failure, frustration, inadequacy, self-condemnation, and self-disappointment. If this is the case, we must appropriate the cleansing power of forgiveness which Christ offers.
VI. We Must Accept Our Life Situations
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" (Rom.8:28).
Many circumstances are beyond our control. We cannot choose our birthplace, our physical features, who our parents will be, the color of our skin, our ethnic origin, whether we will be born rich or poor, or whether we will have physical handicaps. However, if we fail to view our life situations from a biblical perspective, we will inevitably fail in accepting ourselves.
We must recognize that God created us the way we are for a divine purpose. God doesn't see our life situations as liabilities. He often uses the very things we consider to be hindrances for our eternal benefit. When we accept our circumstances, we can begin to accept ourselves and gradually build godly self-esteem.
Conclusion
We have briefly examined the causes of poor self-esteem. In order to correct an imbalanced self-appraisal, we must respond to the biblical steps we have presented in this article:
1. Embrace a proper biblical perspective.
2. We must respond to the clarity of God's Word.
3. We must discipline our thoughts.
4. We must have a godly self-love.
5. We must accept God's forgiveness.
6. We must accept our life situations.
from: Christian Equippers Internation
Self-esteem refers to our personal evaluation or opinion of our worth, competence, and importance. Though it includes our thoughts, feelings, and attitudes towards ourselves, it may have nothing to do with reality.
Self-esteem can be negative or positive. However, the vast majority of people possess a poor self-image. Many perceive themselves to be ugly when they are beautiful, unlovable when they are loved, unsuccessful when they have succeeded, useless when they are talented, worthless when they possess great value.
Proper self-esteem is a healthy condition which produces godly contentment and self-worth. Poor self-esteem is an unhealthy condition which hinders godly contentment and produces an underlying sense of frustration, inferiority, and inadequacy.
What Are The Effects of Poor Self-Esteem?
Poor self-esteem is a cancerous condition which corrupts our emotions, actions, attitudes, thoughts , and values. A poor self-perspective is the root of many destructive symptoms.
Poor self-esteem produces a deep sense of self-criticism, self-hatred, and self-rejection. It creates a nagging feeling of being unwanted, unneeded, and unloved. It destroys self-acceptance.
It undermines our sense of self-worth and self-confidence. It causes us to gradually withdraw from people and isolate ourselves. It stifles initiative, quenches motivation, and reinforces the feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness, and weakness.
It is sometimes camouflaged by a negative, complaining, and argumentative spirit. It makes us jealous, unforgiving, resentful, intolerant, and suspicious toward others. It causes us to be overly sensitive, moody, depressed, and introverted.
WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF POOR SELF-ESTEEM?
Many factors contribute to a poor self-image.
I. Faulty Theology
One of the underlying causes of poor self-esteem among Christians is a distorted theological perspective. Some Christians tend to focus upon the scriptural revelation of man's fallen state. They tend to stress the utter worthlessness of man. They mistakenly assume that our previous sinful condition has forever rendered us insignificant and worthless before a holy, sovereign God.
They attack any attitude of self-love or self-esteem as being a subtle form of pride. They often embrace a false humility which is nothing more than self-inflicted condemnation. This distorted theology overlooks our present standing in Christ, and emphasizes our feelings of inferiority and inadequacy.
II. The Deception Of The Enemy
Satan is a constant source of agitation. He is referred to as "the accuser of our brethren" (Rev.12:10). He strives to destroy our godly self-esteem through accusation, criticism, and discouragement.
One of his greatest lies is that we are useless, inadequate, and of little value to God. He will even twist scriptures in his clever attempts to sow this falsehood. He works to promote this deception in order to undermine our godly self-esteem, and cause us to withdraw from life and drown in despair.
He tries to instill a sense of worthlessness and inferiority in order to quench our enthusiasm, suppress our participation in the kingdom, and hinder the work of God in our lives.
III. Unresolved Guilts
Poor self-esteem can often be the consequence of longstanding guilts. Unresolved guilts from the past can torture us with an overwhelming sense of failure, inadequacy, and wretchedness.
Many Christians cannot seem to forget the sins of yesterday. They are haunted with memories of past mistakes. They have not fully accepted Christ's cleansing power and forgiveness, so they find it hard to forgive themselves or forget their former transgressions.
The nagging feeling of guilt creates remorse, self-condemnation, and a deep-seated disappointment in ourselves which only reinforces our sense of inferiority and failure.
IV. Past Experiences
Our present self-esteem is often the result of past conditioning. If we grew up in a household of criticism, rejection, and disapproval, we may have quietly acquired a negative self-image.
This kind of environment only creates a sense of insecurity, inadequacy, and inferiority. A continual lack of emotional support or encouragement results in an attitude of self-contempt and rejection. When parents withhold love, acceptance, and forgiveness, a child grows up with a sense of poor self-esteem.
When people, in any relationship, are subjected to a spirit of condemnation, belittling, and disapproval, a gradual feeling of self-hatred and dislike can begin to develop in our opinion and evaluation of ourselves.
V. Social Factors
Social influences can have a tremendous impact upon our self-esteem. Social pressures can work to diminish or even destroy a healthy self-image.
Society imposes certain values and standards which can cause an individual to feel second-rate, inferior, or even abnormal. The cruel injustices, prejudices, and "value systems" of society can inflict deep wounds upon a person's sense of personal worth.
A person can be rejected and held in contempt because of his race, ethnic background, social standing, lack of schooling, or religious upbringing. Many people grow up in a society which slowly robs them of their human dignity and worth. The tragic result is often a sense of poor self-esteem.
VI. Unfulfilled Expectations
Everyone grows up with idealistic expectations for their future. We all have our goals and dreams we would like to see fulfilled. However, many people fail to realize their great expectations. They find that life has dealt them a cruel hand.
Life is filled with setbacks, disappointments, and delays. Many people find that the saying, "The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray" is an appropriate characterization of their lives.
When we fail to achieve our goals, measure up to our expectations, or fulfill our dreams, we can gradually fall into a "failure syndrome". This only works to undermine self-confidence and reinforce a growing sense of inadequacy, incompetence, and inferiority.
VII. Faulty Thinking
A poor self-image is often the consequence of prolonged negative thinking. Negative thinking is so deeply rooted in the thought lives of many people that it corrupts every area of their lives.
Our thinking patterns have a tremendous impact upon our emotions, attitudes, and will. Many who suffer from poor self-esteem have an overly pessimistic view of themselves.
They constantly reinforce their feelings of worthlessness and inferiority by ministering self-doubt and self-criticism. They only see themselves as deficient, useless, and inadequate.
This mental rut is extremely destructive. It only encourages the feelings of failure, despondency, and poor self-esteem.
HOW DO WE CORRECT A POOR SELF-IMAGE?
I. Embrace A Proper Biblical Perspective
In order to establish a sound self-image, we must confront poor self-esteem with sound theology. Though the Bible doesn't ignore man's sinful state, it doesn't demean our God-given value either.
Those who doctrinally stress our utter wretchedness are unconsciously delivering a "slap-in-the-face" to the gracious work of Christ on our behalf. This negative, one-sided theology is an open affront to God.
The Word declares that "we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works" (Eph.2:10). Any theology which downgrades or minimizes God's glorious workmanship should be rejected. God has not created us to wallow in dejection, self-pity, or feelings or worthlessness.
II. We must Respond To The Clarity Of God's Word
We must confront the deceptive lie that we are worthless rejects with the absolute reality of God's Word. We must set our confidence and trust upon the clear teachings of scripture concerning our self-worth.
The scriptures declare that "we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works" (Eph.2:10). We are sons and daughters of God (IICor.6:18). We are "the salt of the earth" (Matt.5:13). We are "joint heirs with Christ" (Rom.8:17). We are "crowned...with glory and honor" (Psalms 8:5). We are people of dignity and destiny (Rom.8:29,30).
Our previous state has been forever changed in Christ. We are now " a new creation" in Christ (IICor. 5:17). Therefore, we must reject the feelings of inferiority, uselessness, and inadequacy, and realize that we are valuable in Christ.
III. We Must Discipline Our Thoughts
"...Bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ" (IICor. 10:5). We must discipline our negative thoughts by submitting them to the positive reality of God's Word.
The scriptures remind us to set our mind on those things which are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report (Phil.4:8).
We must guard our thought life. Our mind can be our worst enemy, or a good friend. Our thoughts can either build godly self-esteem or undermine our sense of self-worth. If we continually yield to corrupt thinking or indulge in negative confessions about yourself, we will inevitably destroy our self-esteem.
IV. We Must Have A Godly Self-love
The Bible assumes that we should possess a healthy self-love (Eph.5:28,29). Without a godly self-love, we have no basis for proper self-esteem.
Some Christians find it difficult to accept the reality that God desires us to love ourselves. They view self-love as a subtle form of self-pride or self-adoration. But when we speak of self-love, we are not referring to a self-centered, egotistical love. This form of self-love is selfish love.
Godly self-love simply means that we see ourselves as worthwhile creatures in Christ. We see ourselves as valued and loved by God. We see ourselves as creatures bearing the divine image of dignity and honor. Our self-love is based upon a realistic self-appraisal of our present standing as gifted and useful members of the body of Christ (IICor.12:12-24).
v. We Must Accept God's Forgiveness
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1John 1:9). A failure to embrace Christ's forgiveness can often result in poor self-esteem.
Many individuals quietly suffer from longstanding guilts and feelings of deep remorse over their past mistakes. When we dwell upon our former shortcomings, we unconsciously contribute to destroying our present self-image and self-acceptance.
Poor self-esteem is often the result of failing to alleviate the burden of guilt. Feelings of unresolved guilt can gradually create a sense of failure, frustration, inadequacy, self-condemnation, and self-disappointment. If this is the case, we must appropriate the cleansing power of forgiveness which Christ offers.
VI. We Must Accept Our Life Situations
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" (Rom.8:28).
Many circumstances are beyond our control. We cannot choose our birthplace, our physical features, who our parents will be, the color of our skin, our ethnic origin, whether we will be born rich or poor, or whether we will have physical handicaps. However, if we fail to view our life situations from a biblical perspective, we will inevitably fail in accepting ourselves.
We must recognize that God created us the way we are for a divine purpose. God doesn't see our life situations as liabilities. He often uses the very things we consider to be hindrances for our eternal benefit. When we accept our circumstances, we can begin to accept ourselves and gradually build godly self-esteem.
Conclusion
We have briefly examined the causes of poor self-esteem. In order to correct an imbalanced self-appraisal, we must respond to the biblical steps we have presented in this article:
1. Embrace a proper biblical perspective.
2. We must respond to the clarity of God's Word.
3. We must discipline our thoughts.
4. We must have a godly self-love.
5. We must accept God's forgiveness.
6. We must accept our life situations.
from: Christian Equippers Internation